I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
