You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
