ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
