if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
