Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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