Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize