I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
