So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
