My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
