Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
