They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
