Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
