I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
