Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
