I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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