There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
