she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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