Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
