Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
