I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
