I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
