Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
