I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
