I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
