And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
