Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
