not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
