Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
