matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
