just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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