he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
