I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
