genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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