omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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