from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were destined to go to rehab together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
