life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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