if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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