She is in my trunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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