I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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