Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
