He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
