I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize