oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
