Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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