I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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