I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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