my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
