so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
