Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
