I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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