you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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