a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
