Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
