Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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