Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
