moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
