I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
