Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
organizing the empties. That sober.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
