if you like me you must not know who I am
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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