I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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