Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
