I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
