Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
