it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
