I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it hurts more in the daytime
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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