I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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