First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
