I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
