1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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