My brain says no but my pants say off.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
