you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
