Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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