On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
