I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
