Can i not drive my cunt home
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
