Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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